...It really had to do with the struggling I've had, on and off, with questions of faith: It prompted a Shabbos conversation in which David, my co-author during a visit to New Orleans. He very much echoed words said to me in the past, that questions and doubts are very different things. And here I was, hearing the answer yet another time. In a quiet moment later, I was quietly questioning G-d as to when I would finally be able to cross that seeming gap to true faith. This time there was an answer: "You already have." And I realize that it is so. Perhaps it required the experiences of this visit to make that answer clear. As I spoke with the women at the Melave Malka, it was like I was listening to myself. Here I was describing great experiences of faith, deeply known Truths (as the Shema) and knowing that what was coming out of my mouth was without pretense-- and without "ifs" or reservations. What I heard was what I knew as true -- without the obfuscations of my usual belabored over-analysis of every thought. I want somehow build a boundary so that I will not find an excuse to run back to where I was before -- emotionally and spiritually. And I want to move further along --even if I am not sure what that entails just now. Somehow, though, I expect that HaShem will find a way to tell me. Shoshana's Page